i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i dont even know how to be here
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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