So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize