Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
