Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
