My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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