I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
