Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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