I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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