youre lurking in front of me
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize