Need sex. Gaining weight.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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