I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I cockslap morals
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
