I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's blow job season.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
