hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
