made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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