Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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