i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
