8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
