I want to make a zoo with you.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize