STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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