is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
