It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize