after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
MIDGETS
????
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
