Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
