Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize