Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is my gift to your gina
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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