I've blown a few things in my day
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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