He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wear drunk well.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
