I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
