there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
