Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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