DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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