ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
