i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
