NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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