dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
