you traded sex for a burrito?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
