i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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