Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
