yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
