i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
