Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think i have two assholes
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
