Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
