Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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