I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
