i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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