When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize