Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
