walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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