Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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