I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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