If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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