So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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