i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
