who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
