ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
