Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
