Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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