You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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