She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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