The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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