So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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