listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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