I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize