Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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