I want to have your abortion
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
