just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You are the jesus of drinking
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
