is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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