we made out on top of his cat.
Do vagina's smell?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
