I want to walk on stilts...naked
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
