You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
we're so committed to being not committed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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