this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
