I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
