I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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