OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
