We named our party play list daddy issues
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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