That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
