When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
